Is There A Spin Doctor In the House?

Its ironic the way we never know how we appear to others. For instance, my friends tell me I come off as a distant, aloof and arrogant intellectual elitist. Cynical, negative and smug. And -- as bizarre as this may sound -- some people apparently feel this is a bad thing.

I admit to having some problems with my public image. I may not take criticism well, but that doesnt mean Im not hearing it. Ill hear it later. Right now Im storing it in my delayed response area.
Maybe its because Ive modeled myself after Bill Gates, aspiring to become a socially awkward misfit with poor eyesight, weird hair and hundreds of billions of dollars (its that last part Im having trouble with). So Ive decided to look to Big Bills steely yet nerdish example for inspiration. As the American government threatens to break Microsoft into smaller though still inconceivably powerful parts, Gates counters the charges of ruthless, illegal business practices with. . . a makeover. He has been coached to make eye contact with the camera in inspirational commercials; to contribute large sums of money to non-controversial charities; and to acquire a haircut incrementally less bizarre than his earlier mixing-bowl-and-pruning-shears hairdo. And its worked. Hes become the cuddliest rattlesnake around.

So I take my cue from Bill: it is time for a gentler, kinder Leslie. A Leslie that the public will come to know and love at a safe distance. The kind of Leslie who inspires the young to dream, the old to cling to life, and the middle-aged to increase her allowance.

The best is yet to come. Unless its all downhill from here.

I hereby pledge to undertake the following image-improving actions:

1. Kiss babies. Eventually. I plan to work up to it by initially winking at them and giving a thumbs-up.

2. Encourage innovation and opportunity. For example, lying on the couch watching TV encourages innovative programming that looks just as good vertically as horizontally, and creates an opportunity for someone to bring me a guava jelly sandwich cut into triangles.

3. Consider plastic surgery. Some suggest removing my perpetual scowl, but I fear the possible side-effect of laugh lines.

4. Modulate voice. From now on, I will speak with a soothing West Indian accent, mon.

5. Highlight family togetherness: A photo shoot has been arranged and a puppy has been rented. Shots of harmonious antics will be available to the press. Please disregard obvious retouching.

6. Choose an inspiring slogan: *A Leslie Who Dares To Love* will be emblazoned on stationery, t-shirts, and coffee mugs.

7. Make eye contact with the public. Preferably by peeking out from behind closed curtains.

8. Allude to baking cookies. My favorite recipe is on its way to the editors of Bitter Homes and Gardens.

9. Give lavishly to charity. I am pleased to announce the endowment of a new trust: the Leslie Encong Foundation for Building Self-Esteem in The Face of Overwhelming Hostility. It contains Php 6.49.

I just want to give a little back