The Slicing and Dicing of Couch Potatoes, by Leslie, a demographic group unto myself

With new developments in communications technology like digital television, satellite dishes, streaming video, and cable/internet convergence, today's viewers are faced with an ever-expanding choice of "content," all of it equally brain-numbing. "Narrowcasting" is the key: Networks aim programs at specific, highly targeted audiences, then offer eyeball access to overeager advertisers. After all, what chance do you have of selling ice to Eskimos, unless you've convinced them that your particular brand of ice will make them feel really sexy?

Does television encourage violence? If you doubt the fact for a second, just take a look at the bloody aftermath of the average remote control power play at the Encongs. Does it also promote rampant promiscuity, excessive drug use, and the breakdown of the Filipino family? Perhaps. Kris Aquino, Robin Padilla and Vic Sotto respectively have all been known to watch TV. On the other hand, I think its simplistic to blame the unraveling of our social fabric on two-dimensional images flickering across a screen. Although I do agree that Tinky Winky is up to something.

Television used to bring people together, as families gathered around to watch The 700 Club people speak in tongues, or to gaze awestruck at bouncy astronauts playing golf on the moon. Now we sit in front of our individual screens, watching programs meant for people who think just like we do, shutting out the rest of the world, rarely deigning to talk to members of our own family. If this is the future, then I'm all for it.

In fact, I've come up with a plan for splitting my life into multiple channels of specialized programming, so that I might dominate popular culture for decades to come. Yes, it's an ambitious project, but since its at the conceptual stage, there's virtually no work required on my part.